Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found a bag of teeth...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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