I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
