she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
high people should be assigned attendants
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
