i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
