Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
