I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
