You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
