Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
