During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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