Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
