i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
