remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
