If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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