You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
