dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
