Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize