WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
