Swine flu. Run for my life!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
