Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
