Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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