well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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