im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
