I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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