Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
