The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
