I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
