Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize