I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
