Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize