I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
