My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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