Please, let me fuck your mom
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's shark week go big or go home
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
