babies were throwing up all over the place
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
