My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
