i would punch a child for taco bell
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
