judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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