She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
