Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
