No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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