my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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