my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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