I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They have beer where we have blood.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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