I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we're making bets on your personal life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Success! We fucked roommates!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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