fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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