you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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