Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
