everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
