Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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