first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
