Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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