I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
