matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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