dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
