can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize