omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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