did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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