marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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