she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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