Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
