i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize