Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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