I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
