we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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