I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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