You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
