If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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