So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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