So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
