Pants 0. Shit 1.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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