I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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