Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
