i just sent this text using only my big toe
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
