I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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