haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
