We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i've created a new STD.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
