Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
