I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
