if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she smelled like a LAN party
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
