I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
