how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
