i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
