i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
