y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
