I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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