Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This baby is an asshole
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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