I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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