another moral hangover. fuck.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
