Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This baby is an asshole
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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