In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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