i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
only if we run a train.
done.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
