what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
